Especially as we then help them to make amends once they are calm – so don’t skip this second step – so that they also learn responsibility for their actions.
#TIME OUT CHAIR HOW TO#
It’s showing them how to calm themselves down. It’s not to condone their behaviour as ok.
People worry that helping them calm down is giving attention to the bad behaviour. This is restorative justice (“how can I make this right?”) rather than punitive justice (taking something away, often our love). once they are calm, help them make amends.Then instead of putting the child into time out “to think about it” it can be more effective to: For example, “I’m not going to let you keep hitting me. If a child is throwing things on the floor, saying something unkind, hitting us or similar, we can be clear that it’s not ok to hit or throw. So let’s look at alternatives to time out which we use in a Montessori approach. When kids act out it is likely a time they need more connection from us (= more love), rather than less connection. Most people say that they resented the person who gave them the punishment and it didn’t make them want to do right by them.Įffectively this is what we are doing with our kids every time we put them in time out. When you are having a difficult moment, would you rather someone offer kindness or punish you? Then I ask if this made them feel more or less connected to the person who gave them the punishment. In my parent workshops, I ask parents if they remember a time when they were punished as a kid, maybe given a detention or not allowed to go out with friends.